Adventure: Food Chain

Late in the afternoon, the farm dog, Rocky, and I went on a walk in the hay field. It's just been freshly mown and great ground for frolicking (mostly the dogs).  We spotted a giant groundhog (20 pounds or so).  The dogs went right for it and hedge it in (teamwork), barked until we all went deaf,  and half-dodged its bites.  Then the farm dog just scooped it up in its jaws. All I heard was a pop (teeth breaking skin) and a crack (rib?). 

This evening, when M and I went to take the trash out, we saw a tiny little fox dragging its body into the brush.  Awesome.

This is discovery channel in real life.    

Back to the Farm

I had a friend farm-sit and I went into the city this weekend. Went swimming, finished my long poem, had sushi, danced at a club, saw a drag show, got super tipsy: who am I?

Back at the farm I slept in this morning, made extra coffee, ate a bagel, watched episodes of The Office, did a little work for the review, went on a long walk with the farm dog, made myself dinner, went to Target, did a little food shopping, and now I'm back again.

Thought about reading or doing some writing. I'm feeling down and it's like I veer to the edge of crying for no reason, come back and do something reasonable then feel okay. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or who I am. Is this an effect of the farm? Getting older? Coming to terms with mortality and loneliness?

Whatever. I'm going out to catch-and-release fireflies now.

After the third day of work I am drained. Taking care of someone is exhausting. It's not the physical aspect of it, but it's the complications and emotions of the family members surrounding the Alzheimer's patient. Somehow, they want you to make them feel less guilty. And they want you to make it appear as if their loved one is stimulated and having the highest quality of life possible, and engaging in every possible activity. But it's just not really possible when the person isn't all there anymore or disinterested in what's occurring in reality.  Despite all that, I do understand. Of course you want your spouse or mother to have everything, to be the same person, to come back.

When I got home tonight I canceled dinner plans. I was cranky and feeling petulant and whining to myself about how I feel like no one really takes care of me.  But I've learned that I can't expect to feel whole or 100% taken care of by anyone. I have to take care of myself. So I made myself dinner, called my sister, and bought a new shirt and a pair of wedge shoes. 

Remember to treat yourselves. It's important.

Perfect Moment

I am sitting in the yellow sofa and the cat jumps on and curls up.  The next thing I know she's snoring. 

Also: ate waffles for dinner. Yes!

Looking for a cheap vacation. We're going to California twice in September for weddings. But I'd like to go somewhere and just soak up the city. Currently looking at New Orleans. Maybe if I can save up enough.

New Job

I got a job taking care of an elderly woman with Alzheimer's.  It's for 7 days and her family hired me. I start tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. The job description is going on walks with her, making lunch, reading to her, and being a companion. 

Nature = Stressed Out

So two nights ago, lying in bed and reading Lynda Barry, I looked up at the ceiling and saw a spider above me.  In every other instance, I would have killed it quickly. But there are so many bugs here, I knew the spider was an ally.

But then last night I looked up and it had spawned like five little babies. Gross. I can only have one roomie at a time. So I killed it and the whole brood.  

Tonight there are a billion aphids in the loft, a giant beetle I had to kill with hairspray and a comic book, and two new spiders. WTF. I don't know if I can handle this. Seriously stressed. Also why are there just random dead bugs and cobwebs that haven't been cleaned? Ugh.

Also tonight the dog and I freaked out because of a loud shrieking sound near the farm. Either a woman was brutally murdered or it was a chupacabra call or just a newly awakened vampire. Again, WTF. Do I call the cops or get a stake and holy water?

TV

My new favorite shows: How to Look Good Naked (BBC? Lifetime?) and Life After People (History Channel)

I'm all about zombie movies. So Life After People is truly spooky.

Meanest Show: Style by Jury.

This is why I don't have TV at my apartment.

Tomorrow friends come and we go swimming here:

Currently reading: In the Heart of the Heart of the Country by Gass; Cruddy by Barry; Madame Bovary, Flaubert.

I really want to see Bruno this summer. So inappropriate, awkward, and not-PC.  

Also, I've found new Baltimore restaurants to try out.  Once I'm out of the farm I want to go dancing!